Nothing Short of Insanity
by The QAS
Summary: What do you get when you add a green-haired child prodigy, a semi-evil scientist, a secret agent platypus, and little bit of magic? Complete and utter chaos!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the strawberry-flavored lip balm in my room.**

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><p>"MOM! MOM! MOM!" Candace Flynn screamed at the top of her lungs. She paused, then added for dramatic effect, "<em>MOM!<em>"

"Candace, Honey. What is it this time?" Linda called from the kitchen.

"Phineas and Ferb built a giant fort in the backyard, and it's HUGE!"

Phineas randomly poked his triangle-shaped head through the doorway. "Actually," he said, "it's a clubhouse. The fort was last month. Do you want to come out and see it?"

"Yes! Yes, Mom, see?" Candace cried happily. "I'm not crazy! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!" she giggled hysterically. She looked back. "Why aren't you c'moning?"

"One minute, Dear. I'm going to put the pot roast in the oven."

"No, now!" Linda gave her daughter a look. "I mean, now,_ please_. But Mom, if you don't hurry, it's going to disappear!" Candace grabbed her mother and dragged her out into . . . the empty backyard. "See?"

"See what?" Linda asked.

Phineas looked confused as well. "Hey! Our clubhouse is gone!" he turned to Ferb who alone in the clubhouse-less yard. "What happened?" he asked his stepbrother.

The green-haired-boy simply shrugged. It wasn't unusual for their amazing invention to vanish, but Phineas was really excited to show this to his mom. School was starting up again in less than two weeks and this was one of their last projects of the summer. Sure, they would be able to build things on holidays and weekends, but this year they were beginning middle school and with all their homework, they wouldn't have nearly as much time.

Phineas looked at his mother sadly. "I'm sorry, mom. I don't know what happened."

"NO!" Candace screamed. She ran around the backyard. "It's not possible! It was right here! I saw it! Where could it have gone? I was so close! Why does this always happen to me? It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not FAIR!" she stomped her foot in anger.

"Kids," said Linda, "I'll be in the kitchen. Let me know when your sister is done with her mental breakdown."

"Okay, Mom!" he said happily.

Linda inside of the house. Lawrence was sitting at the kitchen table holding a piece of paper. Tears were rolling down his cheeks. Linda had never seen her husband like this. She sat down next to him. "What's wrong, dear?" she asked.

"It's time, Linda. The boy's eleven. The letter will arrive any day now. I can't do it!"

Linda knew what he was talking about. She couldn't believe the day had come so soon. "Well, maybe - - "

"Do you think it's selfish of me? Is it so wrong? Is it a crime to want to have my son with me? He's the only part of Ombeline I have left - - plase don't get me wrong. I love you, it's just - - "

"It's okay. I understand."

"But if I don't send him, they might come after . . . " he didn't finnish the sentence.

"Why don't we let him decide? After all, he is the one going."

Lawrence sniffled. "You're right, love. But first let's let the boys enjoy a couple more days together."

Linda nodded. It hurt her to see Lawrence like this. He was usually so happy and talkative; now he looked a hundred years older.

"It'll be okay," she whispered.

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><p>DOO-BE DOO-BE DOO-BA DOO-BE DOO-BE DOO-BA . . .<p>

Perry the Platypus woke up from his nap to the sound of his watch beeping. The semi-aquatic mammal looked both ways before jumping up on his back legs and pulling out a fedora, seemingly out of nowhere. He walked over to the side of the Flynn/Fletcher house and tapped it three times (one of which was done with his tail). A hidden section opened and the platypus stepped in before it closed behind him.

The secret compartment led to a chute, landing Perry in a chair in front of a large screen. A man appeared on the screen and looked down at the platypus, he had been expecting him.

"Ah, Agent P," the man said, regarding the platypus. "We have just received a report that states that at exactly 7:06 last night, Doofenshmirtz brought a plane ticket to London, England. We would have found out sooner, but a _certain_ unpaid intern forgot to pay the power bill."

"Sorry, sir," said the college student from offscreen.

"Anyway, we think he may be up to something - - Doofenshmirtz, that is. Not Carl. At least not as far as I know. Anyway, we need you to find out what he's up to and put a stop to it!"

Perry saluted and jumped into his epic platypus mobile.

_Agent P!_

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><p>"So what part of sixth grade are you most looking forward to?" asked Phineas. He, Ferb, Irving, Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet were lazing around under the FlynnFletcher tree with their backs to each other.

"Being with y - - I mean art!" Isabella said quickly. Phineas didn't seem to notice. Ferb snorted quietly at his brother's complete obliviousness.

"Lunch," Buford grunted.

"Seeing you guys!" Irving cried happily. He had somehow convinced his mother to transfer him to Phineas and Ferb's school. According to Phineas it was "Cool, but kind of creepy".

"EVERYTHING!" Baljeet cried happily. Everyone stared at him as if he were completely insane. The Indian kid looked offended. "Oh, well _excuse me_ for wanting to get an _education_!"

"Okay," Phineas said, turning to his brother. "Hey, Ferb, what are you looking forward to this year?"

Ferb blinked.

"Yeah," Phineas agreed, "me too."

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><p><em>DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INC. <em>

Perry smashed through the evil scientist's wall.

"Oh. Hello, Perry the Platypus," Heinz said casually. He was packing a suitcase and didn't even bother looking up.

Perry looked at him in confusion. Where was the trap? Where was the "inator"? Where was the depressing backstory?

"Vanessa!" Doofenshmirtz called, "have you seen my _Baljeetles_ T-shirt?" Perry smirked. Well, as much as a platypus can smirk, anyway.

"Here," Vanessa threw the shirt at her father's face. Perry blinked. Was it just him, or did Vanessa look even more annoyed than usual?

"Hey!" Doof protested, pulling the shirt from his face. He folded it up and put it in his suitcase. "That was uncalled for. Look, Vanessa, please don't make this harder than it has to be. Now, come over here and give your father a proper good-bye."

_Good-bye?_ Perry wondered. He couldn't have possibly heard that right.

Vanessa stomped angrily into the room. Her hands were on her hips and the look on her face was so fierce, that even Doofenshmirtz turned away. Perry half expected her to run up and strangle him. Instead, she turned to look at Perry. Seeing the bewildered platypus, her expression softened a bit. "Does he know?"

Doofenshmirtz's shoulders slumped more than usual. He looked very upset. The German scientist stared into the distance as if he was about to tell one of his famous backstories. But instead, he turned to Perry. "Perry the Platypus, please do not think good of me but, I'm retiring."

"And moving to England!" Vanessa shouted. Perry was sure that he saw smoke come out of her ears.

"I don't understand what you're so upset about," Doof said, "I thought you wanted me to stop being evil."

"Not like this!" she exclaimed. There were tears in her eyes. "Why can't you just become good and stay in Danville? Why do you have to move?"

"This way I'll be able to start a whole new life!" he said, "you should be happy for me. I got this great job at this school - - "

Her sadness momentarily forgotten, Vanessa jumped back in horror, appalled by the very idea. "YOU'RE going to become a TEACHER?" she demanded incredulously.

Doofenshmirtz looked down. "Well, actually as a maintenance worker, but that's not the point!" he decided to change the topic. "You'll be able to see me once a month." He put his arms around her in a futile attempt to comfort his distraught daughter. "It'll all be okay, I promise." A car parked outside honked its horn. "Ooh, that's my ride to the airport. Anyway, sorry, Vanessa; curse you Perry the Platypus. Bye!" he grabbed the suitcase and dashed out the door.

After he left Vanessa looked, teary-eyed at Perry. "I can't believe he's actually leaving," she whispered. "I'm going home."

Perry did not believe it. He simply _couldn't_ believe it. Not for one second. None of it added up. Doofenshmirtz was a natural evil scientist. He wouldn't suddenly stop after all these years. It wasn't like him at all.

Something stuck to his webbed, platypus foot. Lifting it up, he saw that it was a piece of paper; a diploma, no less. Doofenshmirtz's evil diploma. It had been discontinued. The stamp had the seal of LOVE MUFFIN on it.

Poor Doofenshmirtz. Even Perry could not help but feel a little bad for him. His own organization had kicked him out. That didn't seem fair, even if he was evil.

What would happen to him now? OWCA would probably give him a new nemesis to fight. But he didn't want a new nemesis, he wanted _Doofenshmirtz! _One thing, however, was certain: he had to get to England before it was too late. Because if he no longer had a nemesis, Agent P was no more.

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><p>"Hey, what's that?" Phineas asked.<p>

The two boys stopped working on their language translating machine and peered up at the sky. A large bird of prey was flying straight towards them.

_How curious,_ thought Ferb. Surely this wasn't normal behavior for owls.

The owl landed on top of their work table. Now able to get a better look at it, the boys saw just how magnificent the creature really was. The bird was mostly white and tan, but it also had numerous subtle patches of brown, red, orange, and yellow. The owl had a heart-shaped face and large, black eyes. But perhaps the most extraordinary part was that the animal appeared completely at ease with two kids creeping up to get a better look at him.

"Hey, guys," said Isabella as she walked into their yard. "What'cha - - ooh, a Barn Owl!" she exclaimed excitedly, adding her "owl-on-a-work-table-badge" to her sash. "He's beautiful!"

The owl cooed softly, seeming to appreciate the compliment.

"Where did you find him?" she asked.

"We didn't," Phineas told her, "he found us."

"So what's in the letter?"

"What letter?"

"The one in his talons."

Phineas and Ferb looked. Sure enough, inside of the bird's talons was an envelope. The owl then, as if reading their minds, stuck out his razor sharp claw, and dropped the note into Ferb's hands.

The envelope was a bit thicker than most. It was yellowish in color, as if it were aged. There was also an extremely detailed seal on it with a lion, badger, eagle, and snake surrounding the letter H.

Phineas let put a low whistle. "Fancy," he said.

"What does it say on the back?" asked Isabella.

Ferb flipped over the note. The back was just as formal looking as the front, and was written in emerald green ink. It read:

_To: Mr. Franklin Joseph Fletcher_

_Danville, Illinois, United States of America _

_243 Maple Drive_

_The Fourth House on the Block_

_Second Bedroom to the Left_

There was no stamp or return address.

Phineas was the first to break the silence. "Well, that's . . . _specific_," he stated.

"It's almost creepy," Isabella commented. "I mean, 'the second bedroom to the left', what's that all about?" she gasped. "What if somebody is stalking you?"

"Well, there's one way to find out," Phineas reached for the envelope, but was stopped by Isabella.

"Don't you think you should wait until your parents get home?" she asked a bit nervously, "I mean, it could be dangerous."

"I . . . I guess you're right," Phineas sighed. Due to his curious nature he was used to doing things quickly, not waiting around. Phineas shook the envelope and held it up to ear as if that would somehow give away what was inside.

"Hello, friend," Baljeet said, "what'cha doin'?" he and Buford walked into the yard.

Isabella stiffened.

"We're waiting for our parents to get back so we can open this letter," he replied.

"Borin'!" Buford declared.

Phineas shrugged. "Yeah, it's kind of dull, but what else are we going to do?"

"Why do you not just invent a device that can see through the envelope?" asked Baljeet.

All heads turned to the little Indian boy. Phineas looked at his brother, "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!"

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><p><strong>This is my first Phineas and Ferb related story, so I really want to know what people think of this. <strong>

**Also, I'm taking a poll: Should this story take place in the normal Harry Potter time, or during the next generation era. **

**Please tell me what you think of this. I want to know if everybody seems in character, if the chapter is a good length, ect. So please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I took what everybody said about the year it should take place into consideration. I have decided that the timeline will take place during the Goblet of Fire. It will be an AU, but the idea of Moody and the Triwizard Tournament remain, only Doof, Perry, and Ferb are incorporated in. It may turn out to be a slight AU or a major AU, we'll see how it goes.**

**Now I would like to take the time to respond to each review:**

**jakeroo123: I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter. As for Phineas, while he will not be going to Hogwarts, he does have an active part in this story (which may or may not involve him in the castle, I haven't decided yet.)**

**apple pie: Thanks.**

**DarkDemonGirl1985: Okay, thank you for reviewing!**

**miller123456789: That does seem to generally be the case. But for a number of reasons I have decided to put this in the fourth book. Unlike my Annabeth story, Ferb is unlikely to keep a low profile for long. **

**malfoyforever: An interesting idea. Since you don't watch the show I should warn you that the first few chapters may prove to be confusing. More Harry Potter elements will show up later on. Also, if you're looking for one of my next generation fics, you can see "Four Days in H E Double Broomsticks".**

**Radar180: Great, I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. **

**MasterofBugs123: Thank you for reviewing. Sadly, due to other complications, I have decided to put it in the fourth HP book. **

**Mystic Supernovae: True.**

**Crazy CM Fan100: Great! I'm so happy you like it so far. As for the length, on average, in my newer stories at least, I try to keep my chapters about 1500-2000 words each. I agree, longer chapters often attract more readers. Anyway, thanks you telling what you think. I'll try to be more careful with spelling.**

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><p>The machine was finished in twenty minutes flat. Phineas used the x-ray to scan the inside contents of the envelope. The machine read that there were two separate pieces of paper inside. He selected the first one.<p>

The paper appeared on a screen and scanned the words, able to open up a virtual letter while the real one remained folded. Phineas read it out loud to his friends.

_"HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Mr. Fletcher,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._  
><em>Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.<em>

_Yours sincerely, _

_Minerva McGonagall_  
><em>Deputy Headmistress<em>. Huh," the young boy mused, "now there's something you don't hear every day!"

"Aha! I always knew you were witches!" Buford accused.

"No, we're not," Phineas said, "as much as I would like to believe that witches and wizards are real, it's probably a prank letter." Of course, many would argue the same thing about the Lake Nose/Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, Atlantis, Santa Claus, ect. But Phineas shook it off. If it was a real letter, then he would have been invited too.

"It must be!" Baljeet said, "a prank, I mean. There is no such thing as magic! It does not exist! It simply cannot. It would go against all existing scientific proof."

"Well, suppose it was a different type of magic that worked alongside science instead of against it?" suggested Ferb, who until then had been silent. His face seemed rather blank, but Phineas could tell that he was thinking really hard about something.

"Then it would not be magic, it would be _science_," retorted Baljeet, scoffing incredulously at the other boy.

"Not necessarily."

"_Yes_ necessarily!" he insisted.

"You guys," Phineas said, "stop fighting. Besides, we don't even know if the letter is real."

"It's real," Buford said, "they used fancy words in it."

Just then, a car horn honked.

Phineas beamed. "Mom! Dad!" he called, running up to them happily. Phineas had a childlike grin on his face, like an excited little puppy coming to greet his masters. "Guess what? Guess what? Come on, guess! Guess! Guess! Guess!"

"What?" Lawrence asked curiously.

"See for yourself!" he held out the letter.

The smile instantly vanished from Lawrence's face as soon as he realized just what it was that his stepson was holding. "Where did you get that?" he demanded. His voice was uncharacteristically serious. Dead serious.

"An owl gave it to us," Phineas said. He paused, reconsidering that sentence. Something about that just did not sound quite right.

Linda and her husband exchanged glances. The two of them came to a silent agreement. _It was time. _

"Phineas, Ferb, come inside," Linda said, "there's something we need to talk to you about."

The redhead blinked, confused. "Okay," he motioned to his friends, "come on, guys."

"No," said Linda, a bit more forcefully than intended. The kids all froze. "Just us," she smiled somewhat sheepishly at the children in the yard, "sorry, kids. Family meeting."

After stepping inside, Lawrence looked around, "where is Candace?"

Then, as if right on cue, Candace Gertrude Flynn entered the house. She paid her family no attention, as she was too busy yapping to her friend Stacy on the phone. " . . . And so then, she was, like, totally checking Jermey out. And I was 'excuse me;, and she was like 'why should I?' And I'm like all annoyed at her, right? So I told her, 'he _happens_ to be my _boyfriend_', and THAT shut her up - - " Candace stopped when she her family sitting around the kitchen table with serious expressions on their faces (except for Ferb's, who's face remained blank as normal.) "I'll call you back, Stace," she hung up and turned to her family. "Alright," she said, "who died?"

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><p>Heinz Doofenshmirtz laughed evilly. All was going according to plan, and Perry the Platypus did not suspect a thing!<p>

The evil scientist glanced out of his window. It truly was a horrible view from his seat. All he could see was the plane's wing. _Why do people even bother putting a window there in the first place?_ he wondered.

"Flight attendants, please prepare for landing," came the captain's voice.

Ah, well. No matter now. Soon he would be in London and phase one of his scheme would begin.

He'd prove that he was worth something. It didn't matter what L. O. V. E. M. U. F. F. I. N., or his parents, or Charlene said. They would see. They would ALL see! Ah, yes. The world would remember the name Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

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><p>"So let me get this straight," Candace said, "Ferb's mother was a witch, and that makes him a wizard, only he didn't know about it until today. And now, he's going to some fancy magic wizard boarding school of magical-ness? Yep, I think that pretty much covers it. Okay, it's official: my life is officially insane. Good-bye, last strand of reality!"<p>

"Well, I think it's cool!" said Phineas, flashing a smile at his brother. "Can I come, too?"

"Wait," Candace interrupted. "He's actually going to this place?"

"Well, no. Not necessarily. Ferb doesn't have to go anywhere unless he wants to," Lawrence looked at his son. "Franklin," he said. It was rare that he would use his son's real name. They had been calling him Ferb as long as could remember. The words sounded strange on his tongue. Almost foreign in a way. "Do you want to go to this school?"

Ferb had not once glanced up from his letter since the conversation had begun. While his family all engaged in a heated debate, the green-haired boy sat in his chair scrutinizing every millimeter of the note. Even after his father's question, Ferb stared at the object for several more seconds as if he had not heard the man. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he looked up. "I think I would like to try it." Were those tears in his father's eyes?

"I get to come too, right?" Phineas said, now with an edge of nervousness to his voice. He bounced up and down in his chair. "When do I get my fancy letter?"

There was another moment of silence. Linda looked away. It took Phineas about twelve seconds to realize what was happening. "Oh," he said quietly.

At this point, Ferb looked away as well. He couldn't bear to meet his brother's eyes.

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><p>Professor McGonagall was tired from a long week of recruiting the new muggle-born students. The last one had been especially difficult. She had just finished with a young girl from Manchester whose parents had practically thrown a fit. She checked her list to see that there was only one more name on it. <em>Franklin Fletcher; Danville, United States<em>. McGonagall had been dreading this visit. It was rare for an exchange student to come to Hogwarts, but never had one come from the States. In fact, if his mother hadn't made Dumbledore swear it . . . but that was besides the point.

The transfiguration teacher stared at the name hard, as if hoping it might disappear. She sighed and drew her wand. It was always the long distance apperations that were the hardest._ Perhaps I should go home and rest before making the trip_, she thought. Minerva shook her head several times to get her thoughts straight. No, she was not going to put this off.

McGonagall vanished with a CRACK.

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><p>It was Ferb who first heard the doorbell ring. He had been sitting in front of the window, staring at the large tree in the backyard. The family would be leaving for England in a week, they would stay at Grandmother and Granddad's while Ferb got his school supplies.<p>

What his father said should have surprised him, but he found himself quickly accepting the odd world of magic that Lawrence had described. He believed there was a Hogwarts. He believed that his mum had been a witch. And he believed that he was a wizard.

It was a strange sort of feeling, knowing that he had magic. It was a surreal experience, almost like a dream. Ferb felt that he now had a newfound awareness. It made sense, though. How else would he and Phineas have been able to build such mind-bending machines that defied the laws of physics? How else could he speak and understand over twenty different languages?

He looked at his reflection in the glass. His green-haired, cross-eyed self stared back at him. He had always wondered why he looked that way. Father had always said that it was birth defects, but after hearing about incidents of underaged magic-users, he wondered if that was really the reason.

Ever since the meeting the family had been tense, Phineas in particular. Even Perry seemed distraught.

Ferb wondered why he said what he said. He had known it would hurt Phineas, and likely Mum and Dad as well. So why had he done it? He could have just as easily refused and moved on, pretending that the entire incident had never happen. Yet, there was a part of him that really did want to go. As long as he could remember, Ferb had always been in the shadow of his brother. Phineas was the creative one, the talkative one, the likable one. He was just the tool boy. Phineas seemed to notice this as well. It was the reason why he named so many of their inventions after him. The F games, Ferb Latin, and the Tour de Ferb were all supposed to get people to notice him. Of course these attempts were all in vain. But going to this school could give him a fresh start. He cold finally have a chance to be his own person. He could - -

The doorbell rang before he could finish thinking that sentence.

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><p><strong>A slightly shorter chapter, but an update none the less. Please review. Any opinions or ideas would be great.<strong>

**P.S. Can any of you guess what House Ferb will be sorted into?**


	3. Chapter 3

**GrygrFlzr: Just a little. I'm glad you liked it.**

**jakeroo123: Makes sense. As for your second point, while I do agree that Phineas often defies physics as well, it is usually because of something Ferb did. As for Candace, well . . . you have to allow SOME leniency, it is a cartoon after all.**

**Radar180: I'm glad you thought so!**

**Mystic Supernovae: Makes sense. He is extremely brave and clever. Thanks for your opinion!**

**Meagan Snow: Yeah, I agree. Her character didn't flow quite as well as the others. But she won't be playing a major part in this story.**

**Crazy CM Fan100:Good guess. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.**

**Neville_Can_Kick_Mathew_Lewis'_Butt: While, I am impressed that you know the Harry Potter timeline (very few people do), I disagree that you say Phineas and Ferb cannot take place during it. The show can technically occur any time between the nineties to about ten years in the future. Also, if you look at Lawrence, he talks about the 1950s as though he were a teenager during the time, implying that the time period is closer to the 1990s or early 2000s. I was a bit concerned about the timeline myself, but I figured it wouldn't make such a big difference. Still, it strikes me as somewhat amusing that in a story that is a crossover between a cartoon and live action, the thing that bothers you is the timeline. Anyway, I'm sorry the story isn't to your liking.**

**AN/: I apologize in advance for Phineas's character in this chapter. But to be fair, we have no idea how he would have reacted. I would also like to thank everybody who told me what House they thought he should be in. There will be another poll at the bottom author's note of this chapter.**

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><p>Ferb peered through the peek hole to see an oddly-dressed woman at the door. She wore a pointed hat and a long, emerald-green dress. The hat alone gave away her identity. She was a witch, no doubt. Father had mentioned something about someone from the school showing up. He unlocked the door and let her in.<p>

"Hello," the woman said, "my name is Professor McGonagall. I presume you are Franklin?"

"Ferb," the boy said.

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Ferb."

McGonagall seemed mildly surprised that the boy had just interrupted her, but nodded and went on. "Well then, Ferb, is your family home? I need to speak to a legal guardian."

Ferb nodded. He turned and went upstairs to fetch his parents. With any luck, Phineas was still sleeping (as most children would be doing at 6:00 on a Saturday). Perhaps he could tiptoe past their room and not wake him up. He did not need his brother embarrassing him in front of one of his future professors.

He entered his parents' room and woke up his parents. Lawrence immediately knew what was going on and after waking up his wife, went downstairs with Ferb.

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><p>Perry had never seen seen an oddly dressed human in his life (with an exception of some of the getup he had seen at the L. O. V. E. M. U. F. F. I. N. conferences). This, however, was no what drew his attention. He had only been half paying attention to the conversation his owners had had the previous day, but he remembered vaguely that the school letter had mentioned that he could bring a pet. It was when the witch came in that it clicked: the school was in England, that was where Doofenshmirtz was. If he could somehow get Ferb to take him, he could find out what his nemesis was <em>really<em> up to.

He noticed Ferb returning downstairs with his parents, McGonagall nodded at them curtly. The platypus put on the cutest face he could manage.

"Oh, poor Perry," said Lawrence, "I believe we've woken him up."

Ferb scooped up the semi-aquatic-secret-goverment-agent-slash-pet platypus into his arms. McGonagall, noticing the animal for the first time, frowned.

"What exactly is that?" she asked.

"This is Perry, our pet platypus. He doesn't do much."

"I see," the professor turned back to Ferb. "Well, you seemed fairly calm when I arrived, so I assume that you are already aware of the basics?" He nodded. "Good," she said approvingly, also appearing slightly relieved. "Then this should be simple. You have a way to get to London, am I correct? Excellent. Are there any additional questions that you wish to ask me?"

Ferb looked at Perry and nodded. "I have one request: I wish to bring my pet platypus- - assuming that my brother has no objections." This was foolish, of course. Phineas would obviously object. Still, he wanted to have _something_ from home with him.

Lawrence, Linda, Perry, and McGonagall all looked at him oddly.

_ Well,_ thought Perry, _that was easy._

Lawrence said, "Are you sure?"

McGonagall shifted, looking rather uncomfortable. "Well, you see, we normally don't allow pets other than owls, cats, or toads. There _have_ been exceptions, but why, may I ask, would you want to bring him?"

"I understand that this may differ from your normal policy, ma-am. But Perry and I share a very special bond. It may seem troublesome to have an exotic pet, but I assure you that he will not be any trouble. I would have much gratitude if you were to let me take him."

The transfiguration teacher stared at the boy. She was surprised to hear such a mature voice from such a young boy. She looked back at the platypus. The animal seemed fairly clean. It also wasn't too big, unlike a dog. Minerva glanced at the boy's pleading eyes and sighed. "Very well, I have nothing against it. But you must ask your parents first."

"Ask your brother," was all they said.

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><p>"You're going to do WHAT?" Phineas shouted.<p>

Ferb did his best to ignore his complaints and packed his suitcase. After he went on about it for several more minutes he gave in. "I already told you," he said, careful not to let his temper get the better of him. "It is your choice."

Phineas stood in his spot without moving for several minutes, staring at the ground. He appeared to be thinking very hard. Finally, the redhead looked up and met his brother's eyes. "No," he said, "we're going to let Perry decide."

Ferb nodded and put Perry down on the floor in the middle of the room. The two boys stepped back until they were on opposite walls. "Now, whoever Perry goes to gets to keep him. This is the only fair way. We also won't fight on it afterwords. Agreed?" Ferb nodded and waited.

. . . and waited.

. . . and waited.

. . . and waited.

Perry glanced back and fourth between his masters. He knew that whatever decision he came to, it would likely tare the two apart. It broke his little platypus heart to seen their relationship so damaged. Phineas and Ferb had been friends since the day he met them. But Perry was also an agent for OWCA, and he always had to put his work first. If he got to London, he could find out what Doof was up to.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Agent P made his way over to Ferb. Phineas's face fell, although he tried not to show it.

He nodded at his brother. "Fine," he said. "Have fun at your wizard school," then he left the room without another word.

* * *

><p>The flight to London was long and uneventful. Phineas, refusing to sit next to his brother, shared a row with Candace. Linda and Lawrence sat together, leaving Ferb with some random guy with a beard named Bob.<p>

He had never seen his brother look so furious before. Phineas was probably the most collected, optimistic person he ever knew. He did not anger easily.

Suddenly, Ferb grew frustrated. Why should he let his brother rule his life? For years, he had been the brains behind the two. Phineas came up with the clever ideas, sure, but it was him who made them work. Without him, his brothers' ideas would just be a bunch of words. But did he ever receive the fame or popularity that his brother got? No; he was always just second-best to Phineas. And now, finally a chance to prove himself; his brother should have been happy for him!

And yet, Phineas was his best friend. The other boy often did just as much work on the projects as he did. Phineas always knew how to cheer him up. To Phineas, it wasn't about being happy, it was a betrayal.

A pang of guilt hit the British boy in the stomach, like a ton of bricks. He really hoped Phineas would forgive him. He hoped that he would forgive _himself._

* * *

><p>Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher were there to greet them at Heathrow Airport. The two were surprised by the sudden phone call, but were more than happy to let the family stay with them.<p>

Reginald Fletcher immediately realized that something was wrong the second he saw his grandchildren. "Why the long faces, lads?" he asked them.

Candace and Ferb both stared at the floor, even Phineas seemed at lost for words.

"They're just upset that Ferb's leaving," Lawrence explained.

"Don't be sad, little ones," said Winnie. "You will get a chance to see your brother again soon." Candace shrugged and Phineas forced a small smile in his grandmother's direction, although, in actuality, he felt more like crying.

* * *

><p>That night, Phineas approached his brother. "Look, I thought about it," he said, "and I decided I'm happy for you. Sorry about being mad before. If I got a chance to go to a wizard school, even without you, I'd probably go, too."<p>

_No you wouldn't,_ Ferb thought,_ you would have made them take me too._ Still, he appreciated the gesture and smiled in his brother's direction. He hated it when they fought.

"I'm still going to miss you," he paused, "and Perry." The two looked down at the platypus, who chirped affectionately at them. Soon, Phineas began returning to his normal, optimistic self. "We still have a whole day of shopping tomorrow. I can't wait to see all of the wizard stores. And we'll always have summer. Are you coming home for Christmas?"

"Definitely."

"Great. We'll just have to make our holiday project even better!"

Ferb nodded. He was glad that things had worked out. But most of all, he was glad to have his brother back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: As you can see, this chapter acts as sort of a bridge. Once again, I apologize for Phineas's OOCness and the length. I struggled a lot with this chapter, because I wanted there to be tension between the two boys. But don't worry, the next chapter will take place in Diagon Alley, and Phineas should be back to his normal, happy self. It will also hopefully be longer. **

**Question: Should the Flynn-Fletchers go to the Quidditch World Cup? Please let me know in your reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Neville_Can_Kick_Matthew_Lewis'_Butt: Oh. Okay, that makes a lot more sense (although it does kind of ruin the concept of the show for me). Thanks for clarifying.**

**GrygrFlyzr: I know where you're coming from. Thank you for reviewing!**

**Radar180: True.**

**resident_gryffindor: Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you like the characters. As for your comment on the timeline: cell phones were invented in the 1970's and became popular in the late 80s and early 90s. If this were to take place in the mid 90s, Canadace and Linda owning cell phones wouldn't be too unreasonable. I imagine at this point in time they would be more common amongst the wealthier families. The Flynn/Fletchers appear to be an upper middle class family (seeing that they seem to have enough money to fly to London and back every few months). Also, if you notice it appears that the cell phones can text, take pictures, and (obviously) call. There is little to know mention of all of the games and apps the cell phones of today have. Plus, Candace has a flip phone, a model that has been out of style for nearly a decade. And Phineas and Ferb's inventions are remarkable for any time period. Still, although nothing comes to mind at the moment, I know there are plenty of inventions that appear out of date for this time period. Please just bear with me, I'm doing my best.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Will Disney Channel please call off their attack dogs (I'm running out of biscuits!)**

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><p>In the minds of Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, Diagon Alley was nothing short of a miracle. The boys' large, inquisitive eyes scanned the area, taking in all of the new sights, sounds, and smells. It was like nothing they had ever experienced before in their (exciting, albeit short) lives.<p>

"Let's go look at the brooms!" Phineas cried.

"Let's go to _Madam Primpernelle's Beautifying Potions_!" exclaimed Candace.

"I want to go to _Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour_!" said Lawrence excitedly, bouncing up and down.

Linda rolled her eyes. "Ferb, where do you want to go first?"

Ferb pointed to his left. There stood a large bookstore, Flourish and Blotts. Linda followed him inside, with a pouting Candace, Lawrence, and Phineas trailing close behind.

As they entered the shop, Lawrence's eyes widened. "I remember this place! Ombeline used to take me here all the time."

Candace groaned. "This is boring," she complained. "We're in a _magic mall_, for crying out loud, and we're looking at **books**!" She sighed, now that was something only her family would do. It was just her luck to be stuck with a bunch of nerds.

Phineas, now back to his normal optimistic self, jumped up and down eagerly. "Come on!" he said to his brother, "I wanna see all the magic books!" He, with his brother trailing close behind went up to the front desk, where a uniformed woman in robes sat reading a magazine. "Excuse me," Phineas said, careful to be polite, despite the woman's unprofessional appearance, "where are the books on technology and construction?"

"Back of the shop, section 4A," she instructed, without looking up from her _Witches Weekly_.

"Thanks!" he blurted, before running off.

Ferb rolled his eyes and followed the redhead.

For such a large shop, there was a surprisingly small amount of books of the subject. Nearly all of the titles had the word "Muggle" in them. Still, Phineas appeared satisfied, and Ferb decided to leave his brother to browse as he went to go look for his school books. The green-haired-boy read over the supplies list.

_UNIFORM_  
><em>First-year students will require:<em>  
><em>1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)<em>  
><em>2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear<em>  
><em>3. One winter cloak (black silver fastenings)<em>  
><em>Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags<em>

_COURSE BOOKS_  
><em>All students should have a copy of each of the following:<em>  
><em>The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk<em>  
><em>A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot<em>  
><em>Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling<em>  
><em>A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch<em>  
><em>One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore<em>  
><em>Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger<em>  
><em>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander<em>  
><em>The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble<em>

_OTHER EQUIPMENT_  
><em>1 wand<em>  
><em>1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)<em>  
><em>1 set glass or crystal phials<em>  
><em>1 telescope<em>  
><em>1 set brass scales<em>  
><em>Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad<em>  
><em>PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS<em>

The school books themselves were easy enough to find. Ferb also bought a couple of additional books to keep himself occupied, including Miranda Goshawk's _Standard Book of Spells for years two and three_,_ Unfogging the Future_ by Cassandra Vablatsky, and _Quidditch Through the Ages_ by Kennilworthy Wisp (he also bought a second copy of the latter for Phineas).

He walked up to the front desk and purchased the books before making his way over to his parents. Ferb held out the shopping bag filled with books, indicating that he was done.

"Just give us another fifteen minutes or so, Honey," Linda said. "These magic cook books are so interesting."

Ferb nodded. Fifteen minutes was plenty of time to do what he had been meaning to get to ever since he found out he was a wizard: ponder. Now that he was over the initial state of shock after first receiving the news, Ferb thought about the idea a bit more carefully. Was it true what Baljeet said? Did magic really exist? Well, that was sort of a no-brainer. He was standing in the middle of a magic bookshop, wasn't he?

But just how did the magic work? Ferb had a well-developed imagination and enjoyed reading fantasy and science fiction novels, but at the same time, he also had a very clear sense of reality. The things that he and his brother had done over the summer. . . well, if one analyzed them carefully, they could be scientifically possible- - a bit of a stretch, sure, but still _possible_. Magic, however, fell into a whole new category. Yet, he had seen it with his own eyes, and he didn't _feel_ like he was dreaming. This was going to take some thought. He took out a notepad and a pencil.

What _was_ magic exactly? From what he had seen, it appeared to be mostly the manipulation of matter. He and Phineas had done that several times, but they had used complex machinery, not sticks. Unless, of course, the wands had millions of tiny gears underneath the outer wooden layer. The idea seemed highly implausible, but not impossible. He wrote down on his notepad.

_How magic works:_

_Theories:_

_1. Wand = complex machinery_

_Hypothesis for theory #1: If I were to take apart a wizard wand, then I would find what was really inside._

This hypothesis would be easy enough to test out. Wands were on the list of school supplies. He was sure the store could spare a few.

"Come on, Ferb, we're done," Candace called. Her stepbrother nodded and followed her out of the store.

Phineas bounced up and down excitedly as he told his family of a very strange confrontation he had in the bookstore with a woman named Chairty Burbage.

". . .I mean, it was unbelievable! She didn't even know what electrons were and she was an adult! So I was like 'fine, so you know atoms'- - and she thought I was talking about some guy named Adam. It was hilarious. Anyway, she was really interested in what I was saying and said that maybe the two of us could talk over tea. She teaches Muggle Studies- - that's what they call non-wizards, Muggles- - at Hogwarts and she said that I could make a special appearance and explain electricity and stuff to the wizards! Isn't that awesome?"

"It's kind of strange that wizards have all this awesome stuff and don't know the basics of modern society- - I mean, no TV? Come on!" Candace added.

Phineas shook his head. "You have to put it in perspective, sis. To them, our technology seems primitive because they have pictures that move- - well, I guess that's a bad example, because we have movies- - but, you know what I mean. I don't think they would need electricity when they could just wave their wands and say 'lightus apperus'!"

"Do they actually say that?"

"No, it was just an example. I'm sure their real spells are much cooler."

"Did they all grow up in wizard families?"

"No. She said that sometimes Muggles and wizards interbreed, that's what her sister did. And sometimes wizards are born into completely Muggle families. But a lot come from all wizard families because their scared of Muggles or something- - It's a complex system."

Ferb, his mind working a mile a minute, quickly summarized what his brother said on his notepad (which was not a simple task while walking). This also brought up another question. "When wizards interbreed, are their children Muggles or wizards?" he asked.

"Um. . . I don't know. I think wizards, mostly."

The other boy nodded. This changed everything. Maybe he was thinking of it all wrong, maybe magic was something exclusive. Or maybe it was a gene. But would it be dominant or recessive? Or perhaps it was mutation. He would need to look into it later. The young boy strained his mind as he struggled to remember what he had learned about genetics from his sister's science book.

_2. Magic = gene/allele? _

_Further research required._

He put the notebook away, that was enough for now.

* * *

><p>Books? Check. Robes? Check. Cauldron? Check. Telescope? Check. Scales? Check. Crystal phials? Check.<p>

Great. Now all he needed was a wand.

Ferb looked up from his checklist. He was standing directly in front of a shop called _Olivander's Wand Shop_. Oh. That was convenient. Ferb stepped inside.

There were rows and rows of boxes like a shoes store, possibly thousands in all. Ferb looked at it amazement. "Whoa," he breathed.

A man standing behind a desk where the boxes were stacked turned to look at him. "Hello," he said, "my name is Olivander. Are you here for a wand?" Ferb nodded. "Good. I will return in a moment." The man left and returned with several boxes. He handed one to Ferb.

Inside the box lay a wand. It was light in colour and in weight. Olivander nodded. "Knotty Pine, unicorn hair, springy, eleven inches. Give it a wave."

A wave? Ferb was not quite sure what the man meant by that, so he swung it around, causing a window to shatter. Ferb jumped back in alarm. Olivander handed him another and instructed him to do the same thing. This wand was somewhat darker in colour and quite a bit heavier. "Cherry, Billywing stinger, sturdy, nine inches."

Ferb waved the wand, this time causing an entire stack of wands to catch fire.

It took at least a dozen wands ranging from Mahogany and dragon heartstrings, to Rowan and Hippogriff feathers. It took a while before Ferb finally found his match: Sequoia, Aurgury tail feather (with a hint of Chimera scales), sturdy, twelve inches.

With his new prize in possession, Ferb exited the shop to find a very excited Phineas bouncing up and down. "Hey, Ferb! Guess what! We were just at_ Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop_. Apparently, I'm their one hundred thousandth customer, and I won three free tickets to the _Quidditch World Cup_!"

Ferb nodded and smiled. "Wonderful."

"I know, isn't it? I just have one question: what's Quidditch and why is it in a cup?"

* * *

><p><strong>What should happen at the game? Who will they meet? And what's the deal with Doof? Find out soon!<strong>

**Please review at the sound of the beep. BEEEEPP. . .**


	5. Chapter 5

_**That's right, folks! I'm still alive. **_

_**I would like to take the time to thank all of my lovely reviewers: Radar180; rachan-akari; sweet_lil_sunshine; sulfur angel; Aurora di Angelo; Happy; Me_Want_A_Cookie; and Lisanna Strauss. Thank you all so much!**_

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><p><em> "The Qudditch World Cup is the biggest sporting event in wizard history. It was held annually until 1862, when the game was decided to be quadrennially, or every four years. The match is played by the two most successful teams in the league, and they play each other for the grand prize. . ."<em> Phineas read aloud from his book as they made their way into the stands. It was decided that Lawrence, Phineas, and Ferb should go, while the girls could get more shopping in.

A man came up to greet them at their seats, shaking each one of their hands vigorously. "Ah, you must be the lucky winners!" he exclaimed. "Which one of you is Phineas Flynn?" Phineas raised his hand. The man beamed at him. "Well, congratulations, boy! You're in for a real treat today. Do you know why? Because I'm going to be the announcer for the match!"

"You're Ludo Bagman?"

"That's right!" he said. "This game should be interesting. Ireland versus Bulgaria. It gives me goosebumps just to think about it. Would you like to place a bet, either of you? All in good fun, of course."

"Um . . . no thanks," Phineas said.

"Oh." Bagman looked somewhat disappointed, but smiled anyway. "Okay, then. Well, enjoy the game!"

"Thank you."

The trio heard a shoving sound as a couple of families made their way into the stands. One was made up of two young boys and their parents. The other group held a father and daughter. The girl looked around Candace's age, while the boys were considerably younger.

"They shouldn't even allow your kind here!" the girl sneered at the other family.

The smaller of the two boys gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists, while the elder remained fairly calm. "We bought the tickets, didn't we, Parkinson? Nobody else had a problem letting us in. I think that makes us just as sufficient."

"Yeah!" the younger agreed, sticking his tongue out at Parkinson.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Come on, Daddy, let's go find Draco. Besides," she added under her breath, "the sooner we get away from these bottom-feeders, the better!"

The other family moved in next to Lawrence and his boys. "Hello," said the father, "my name is Henry Creevey. This is my wife, Mary, and my boys, Colin and Dennis."

Colin and Dennis immediately moved over to sit next to Phineas. "Hi, I'm Colin," said Colin, despite the fact that he had already been introduced. "Hogwarts, too? I'm going into my third year. If you ever need help getting around or anything, just ask me. I'm an expert. Oh, and, not to brag or anything, but I also happen to be very close friends with Harry Potter. He even gave me his autograph."

Phineas nodded politely. "Cool," he said. "I'm Phineas Flynn. My brother's going into his first year."

"So is mine. How old are you, then?" Phineas paused, but Colin resumed talking before he had a chance to finnish. "Nice accent, by the way. What are you, American? My Aunt lives in the states. Have you ever been to St. Louis? That's where she lives, my aunt, that is. I actually have a really funny story . . ."

Colin proceeded to talk nonstop, amazing Phineas with the prospect of anyone talking more than him. Dennis, meanwhile, decided to get to know his new classmate.

"This is my first Quidditch game!" he said proudly. "My brother's been to a bunch, though. Mostly at his school. He's practically best friends with Harry Potter, you know. He promised to introduce me. Maybe he can introduce you, too! I wonder which House I'll be in - - ooh, I hope it's Gryffindor, like my brother. Which House do you want to get into? I like your hair, by the way, I've never seen anyone who had green hair before. Did you dye it? Or did you use magic. Colin says you're not allowed to use magic outside of school - - I wouldn't know, I'm a muggle-born. That's why this is my first Quidditch game, so I'm really excited. The tickets were practically impossible to get. Mum had to talk to, like, a million people!" he paused taking a deep breath, and then proceeded to bounce up and down in his seat as if he were on a sugar-high. There was a long pause as he considered what to say. "My dad's a milkman!" he announced.

Ferb had absolutely no idea what that had to do with the rest of the boy's rant, but chose not to comment on it. Instead, he said, "Look, the game's starting." Had he not uttered those words, he had every right to believe that boy would have kept talking for hours.

The game intense. Loud and extremely fast, Phineas sat at the edge of his seat the entire time, as did the Creevey's. Ferb enjoyed the match in a more passive form leaning back in his seat and studying the strategy of the players. Perhaps when he went to Hogwarts, he would try out for the team. He could improve the brooms a lot, too. Like adding a seat belt, or a jet pack . . . yeah, a jet-pack could work. He made a quick note of that.

After the game, the Flynn-Fletchers drove back to London, where they met Linda and Candace at a hotel. Many of the other families were building camps around the stadium, but they decided that they had enough excitement for one day.

As it turned out, they were lucky to get out when they did. For mere hours after the group had left, a muggle family was publicly tortured by Death Eaters.

* * *

><p>Ferb was packed and ready for school on the first of September. He arrived at King's Cross Station nearly an hour early.<p>

Candace leaned over her brother, glancing at his ticket in confusion. "Platform nine and three quarters?" she said, reading aloud. "What does that mean?"

Ferb put down the _Dickens_ book he was reading and glanced at his ticket. For a moment he thought that his sister was duping him, but sure enough, the card clearly said that the Hogwarts Express was on the said platform. The young boy furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Let me see that," Phineas said, taking a look. "Hmm. . ." he muttered thoughtfully. "Oh, I know! Maybe it's a secret code written in invisible ink to test us! Ferb, do you have our invisible-ink-seeing flashlight on you?"

Ferb did. Although he highly doubted it to be the case, he handed his brother the device.

"That's strange, there's nothing here." Struggling to come up with an alternative answer, he proposed that they look at all of the secret codes they knew to see if they could identify the message. "Or maybe it's just a play on words. What does nine and three quarters sound like?"

"Or," Candace interjected, "we could just ask somebody if they know how to get on. Excuse me," she said to a woman wearing a long, black robe like those they had seen in Diagon Alley. "How do we get onto the platform?"

"Oh, it's simple, really," she paused, studying Candace. "A muggle, are you?"

"Yes."

"I'm a muggle myself. My name is Mrs. Thomas. My son, Dean, is a fifth-year at Hogwarts."

Candace, not really in the mood for chatting (although was slightly curious if the boy was cute), nodded. "Okay, so how do we get on?"

"You just walk through platforms nine and ten, love. I know it seems strange, but - -"

"Actually, after what I've experienced, I'm not surprised. Thanks for your help," she returned to the family. "Apparently, we are supposed to run into the wall."

"Okay, easy enough. It'll be just like the time we made that device that let us pass through Mom's wall to get her ring."

"No! No!" Candace shouted, not caring about the attention she was calling to herself. "No inventions. We just walk through the wall - - wow, I can't believe I just said that."

"Are you sure? Because a wall in a solid object - -"

"YES I'M SURE! See, Mom? They always invent these ridiculous thing just to do simple tasks!"

Linda smiled. While she did not doubt her sons' ingenuity and intelligence, she still had a hard time believing that they could actually build such things. It was good to know that all of her children had such great imaginations.

Ferb glanced tugged on his father's shirt and pointed to his watch. "I have to go now," he informed them, "the train leaves at exactly elven o'clock."

"Yes, well . . . we certainly won't stop you. Good-bye, Ferb."

With a quick nod of the head, the green-haired boy departed, stepping through the wall.

* * *

><p>It could not have been more than two minutes after he sat down when the train started. A short time after, he heard a knock on his compartment door. Ferb said nothing as it slid open and a girl peeked through. She was around his age - - perhaps a bit older, with long, flowing locks and dark brown eyes. The girl seemed a bit startled to see Ferb. "Oh. I didn't realize anyone else was in here." Ferb blinked. "Do you mind if I sit down?" Ferb shook his head, although he had a feeling that she would not have taken no for an answer anyway.<p>

"My name is Vane. Romilda Vane," she introduced herself.

"Ferb," he replied, extending his hand.

There was an awkward pause.

"I assume this is going to be your first year, correct? Well, then it's good you ran into me. Not only am I a lot older and more experienced, but I am also the most popular girl in my year. Everyone loves me. Even the older kids - - and that's saying something, because they usually don't even look at us. Oh well, I can't help it if I'm so naturally attractive." There was another pause as she seemed to study the boy. "You don't talk much, do you?"

Ferb shook his head, and she sighed. "Well, I suppose that can be good at times. You probably don't have a lot of enemies, huh? Speaking of enemies, what House do you reckon you'll be sorted into?" There was a shrug. "Blimey! You really are a silent one, aren't you?"

Another shrug. "'_It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt_.'"*

Vane hesitated, seeming to considering those words. "I've never thought about it like that," she admitted. Suddenly, the girl frowned. "Hang on," she said, standing up. "You aren't calling me a fool, are you? Because I'll have you know, I - -" Ferb shook his head. "Oh." She looked a bit embarrassed. "Well, anyway," the girl continued, "if you want the others to like you, just follow my lead and you can't go wrong. After all, it doesn't get better than me."

Ferb nodded, although he was a bit unsure of how true those words were. He hoped that he was right about that assumption, or else he might never get out of the school alive.

* * *

><p><strong>*Quote American author and humorist, Mark Twain<strong>

**In the next chapter, the question we have all been wondering will be answered: which House will Ferb be sorted into? We also get to catch up with Perry and Doof!**

**Please review and tell me what you think! I cannot promise that all ideas will be incorporated into the story, but they will certainly be considered.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, I am feeling the guilt. I promised myself that I would update one of my stories by this week. Wow, I forgot how much I missed writing this. **

**Thank you to all those who reviewed, especially to the people who gave suggestions of Ferb's house. **

**jakeroo_123: Good point. **

**sweet_lil_sunshine: Thank you for sticking with this story despite its inconsistent updates. Hopefully they will come about more often.**

**Guest: Once Ferb settles in Hogwarts, a subplot will develop back in Danville. And, I assure you, Isabella will be part of it.**

**digigirl02: Thank you for your imput-wow, that sounds like one of those machines that answer when you do a poll. But, seriously, thanks.**

**Nico_Cheesed_iPizza_diAngelo: Well, Doofenshmirtz with be at Hogwarts as well as Perry. Vanessa will probably show up to see her father, but I won't give any more information on the matter. The way I see it, there will be three separate stories that all tie up. One of Ferb and his adventures in Hogwarts, one of Perry and Doof, and third taking place back in Danville. **

**Mimi-loves-ilamas: Agreed!**

**Okay, I lied. Perry and Doofenshmirtz are not in this chapter, but I intend to put them in the next one.**

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><p>"Hi, Ferb! Do you remember me? I'm Dennis Creevey! I sat next to you during the Triwizard Cup! I'm so excited, aren't you? This is going to be great! I can't even imagine! What House do you think you will be in? I'm hoping for Gryffindor. That's where my brother is. I had a lot of sweets on the train, so now I'm REALLY hyper! Do you ever get that way? On a sugar high, I mean? Oh, god, I can't stay still. Well, I guess I should say, 'oh, Merlin.' That's what they say here, Merlin. Did you know that?"<p>

Ferb said the safe thing: nothing. Instead he just blinked and hoped that this boy would shut up.

"Firs' years this way!" called a voice. Ferb turned to face a man who must have stood at least eight feet tall. His eyes widened slightly in mild surprise, but he had seen far more shocking things before.

Apparently, Creevey hadn't. "Blimey, that guy's HUGE!" the man looked at him and Dennis blushed. "It's not a bad thing. I think it's cool. You must have no trouble seeing the picture during films, huh? Oh wait, wizard. Sorry. Er . . . well, you know, just any crowds, I guess."

The man gave a small grunt and rolled his eyes. He didn't look offend, just a bit annoyed. "Are ya by any chance related to tha' Colin boy?"

Dennis beamed. "Yes, he's my brother. Is he, like, famous here?"

" . . . Ya could say tha'."

_Infamous, perhaps,_ Ferb thought.

"Come on," Dennis said excitedly, grabbing Ferb by the arm. "Let's get on the boats! I want that one!" Before Ferb was able to protest, Creevey dragged him over to a small boat on the far left. Unfortunately for them, someone else was already there."

"Gerroff!" he said when they tried to get inside."This is my boat, you hear?"

"That's not fair!" Dennis protested. "There's plenty of room!"

Ferb, not wanting to create any trouble, backed away slowly, dragging the still protesting Creevey along with him.

"You can join me!" called a voice. A small boy waved to the pair from another boat. He had curly, strawberry-blond hair and blue blue eyes that seemed to sparkle with life. As they climbed in, he introduced himself. "I'm Nigel Wespurt. Halfblood. Who're you?"

"Dennis Creevey and this is Ferb Fletcher. He doesn't talk much." Ferb shrugged, but true to his nature, said nothing.

"What House are you hoping for?" asked Nigel.

"I'm hoping for Gryffindor. That's where my brother is. He's best friends with Harry Potter."

Nigel's eyes widened, clearly impressed. "Wow," he said. "Do you think he could introduce me?"

The two boys began to chat wildly, while Ferb's mind shifted to other matters. Once again, he found himself wondering if he had made the right choice by coming to the school. It would certainly be a different experience from what he was used to. Yet again, growing up with Phineas, different situations were embraced. Ferb thought of his brother. Where was he now?_ Probably talking with Grandad, confused out of his mind without anyone to translate his cockney accent for him,_ he thought. The corners of Ferb's mouth turned up ever so slightly at that thought.

SPLASH.

Something moved in the water that caught Ferb's eye. A large suction-cupped arm was visible near the surface of the water. It belonged to a mollusk of some sort, most likely a squid or an octopus. _A squid in a lake? How unusual,_ he thought. It was almost ironic that after everything he had been through, Ferb found it surprising that there was a biologically misplaced animal.

"Hey, what are you looking at?" asked Dennis, trying to follow Ferb's eyes (this was difficult considering that they were pointed in two different directions.) "Oh my Merlin! Hey, Nigel, come look at this!" he called, motioning excitedly.

Wespurt crawled ove to their side of the boat, causing it to tilt from the uneven weight. If Dennis or Nigel took any notice of this, they did not show it.

"Is that a Giant Squid?"

Creevey stood up and leaned over the edge to get a better look. The boat rocked dramatically.

Ferb almost opened his mouth to tell the other boy off, but decided against it. They wouldn't listen anyway, so why waste words?

The giant seemed to take note of what the boys were doing at this point. "Oi!" he called. "I wouldn't do tha' if I wer ya!"

Just as expected, neither paid him any attention. "I see it!" Dennis cried. The boat was at roughly a seventy-degree angle at this point. Creevey lost his footing and suddenly was in the water.

A few of the children laughed, but soon it became apparent that the boy was not coming up. Soon the children's faces turned to ones of horror. Only one person who still looked amused, and coincidentally, it was the same boy who had refused to share his boat with Creevey and Ferb before.

The giant looked as he was ready to dive in, but Ferb didn't think he would be able to get to Creevey fast enough. It had been nearly thirty seconds now. If suffocation didn't get to him, hypothermia almost certainly would. Or the squid. Ferb shuddered, recalling an incident from earlier that summer in which he and his friends were nearly crushed to death by a Giant Squid. Had Buford not loved that goldfish so much . . .

It was then a split second decision was made. Ferb did not think through his actions as he kneeled over the side of the boat.

Nigel looked surprised. "Hey, what are you-?" Ferb dived in.

The water was cold and dark. He was unable to see a thing. He silently thanked god (or Merlin, whatever) that he had remembered his underwater flashlight. Pulling it out and switching it on, Ferb was able to make out the boy a few feet away, slowly sinking.

_Hang on, Dennis,_ he thought, surging forward. He stopped. Something had found Creevey first: the Giant Squid was eying the boy. Ferb began to panic until he realized that the animal appeared to be looking in interest rather than aggression. He calmed down a bit and swam towards Dennis, grabbing him by the arm and going up. But their progress was slow and he wasn't sure they would make it in time. His robes were weighing them down.

Ferb's lungs were on fire. He needed to BREATHE. Must . . . keep going . . .

He pushed further and further, seeming to grow weaker with each stroke. Suddenly, the surface didn't look so close anymore. Ferb lost a grip on his flashlight and it fell out of his hand, but he was too tired to care. How deep was this lake?

Something rubbery touched him. It seemed to slowly pushing him upward . . . it couldn't be . . . ?

The two boys popped up on the surface, both gasping for air. Ferb looked down; sure enough, he was just able to make out the shape of the giant squid descending into the deep.

* * *

><p>"I'm fine, I swear. I don't need to see the nurse. I just need a towel. I'm okay. See, look at me? Good as ever. I want to get sorted. I want to se my brother! He's here, isn't he? I have to tell him that I'm okay."<p>

At some point the adults gave up on trying to get the boy to the hospital wing and, assuming that Ferb felt the same way, just gave the two of them towels. Nigel bounced up and down excitedly, repeatedly recounting their tale from his point of new and how cool it was. As usual, Ferb said nothing in response.

As the walked into the Great Hall with the other first years, many of the older kids turned to stare at them. They were all wet from the rain, but only he and Dennis wore towels over their robes. One boy who looked only a few years older with a mop of curly brown hair waved to them excitedly. It didn't take a genius to realize that it was Dennis's brother.

"Hi, Colin! I fell in the lake!" by the way Dennis exclaimed those words, one would think it was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him.

The children were told to stand in front of a stool. When a hat was place upon it, a few of them began whispering to each other about what it was for.

The hat did not look very special. It was old and falling apart, made up of more patches than what was probably the original cloth. The article mud thane had some significance, otherwise why would it be there? But the more Ferb looked at it, the more perplexed he became. Until, that it, the hat burst into song:

_"A thousand years or more ago_  
><em>When I was newly sewn,<em>  
><em>There lived four wizards of renown,<em>  
><em>Whose names are still well known:<em>

_Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,_  
><em>Fair Ravenclaw, from glen,<em>  
><em>Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,<em>  
><em>Shrewd Slytherin, from fen.<em>

_They shared a wish, a hope, a dream,_  
><em>They hatched a daring plan<em>  
><em>To educate young sorcerers<em>  
><em>Thus Hogwarts School began.<em>

_Now each of these four founders_  
><em>Formed their own house, for each<em>  
><em>Did value different virtues<em>  
><em>In the ones they had to teach.<em>

_By Gryffindor, the bravest were_  
><em>Prized far beyond the rest;<em>  
><em>For Ravenclaw, the cleverest<em>  
><em>Would always be the best;<em>

_For Hufflepuff, hard workers were_  
><em>Most worthy of admission;<em>  
><em>And power-hungry Slytherin<em>  
><em>Loved those of great ambition.<em>

_While still alive they did divide_  
><em>Their favorites from the throng,<em>  
><em>Yet how to pick the worthy ones<em>  
><em>When they were dead and gone?<em>

_Twas Gryffindor who found the way,_  
><em>He whipped me off his head<em>  
><em>The founders put some brains in me<em>  
><em>So I could choose instead!<em>

_Now slip me snug about your ears,_  
><em>I've never yet been wrong,<em>  
><em>I'll have a look inside your mind<em>  
><em>And tell where you belong!"<em>

"Well," Ferb said when it was done. "That was unexpected."

This comment earned a couple of laughs from the kid, although the faculty looked less amused.

The woman who had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, began to call out the names of students in alphabetical order.

"Ackerly, Stewart," was the first name called.

A tall, thin boy who stood behind Ferb let out a low whimper as he began to make his way up to the stool. He was twitching nervously in a way that reminded Ferb of Isabella's dog, Pinky.

The sorting hat covered all of Stewart's head and stayed there for several seconds before shouting out, "RAVENCLAW!" The entire room applauded and Ackerly nearly fainted on the spot. He had to be escorted to his seat by a prefect.

The next name to be called was Malcolm Baddock. Baddock was a boy of small stature. His wavy black hair fell into his eyes and he appeared nearly as nervous as Ackerly, although a bit more collected. Slowly, he made his way over to the stool and sat down. The hat stayed for nearly thirty seconds before shouting, "SLYTHERIN!"

Unlike Ackerly, only one table at the far end applauded Baddock's sorting. A few of the children from different tables even hissed as he walked by.

Brooks was next. After him came the Cs. Dennis was almost immediately sorted into Gryffindor where he gladly joined his brother. There was only one D, Emma Dobbs, who was sorted into Ravenclaw. Ferb did not pay much attention to the Es and was surprised by how quickly the time had gone by when his own name was called.

Ferb sat on the stool and felt the sorting hat placed upon his head, just as it had with the others.

_Interesting,_ the hat said. _Very interesting. _

Wait, the hat _said?_ That couldn't be right! But sure enough, it was. Ferb heard the object thought-cackle in his head.

_Very good, Mr. Fletcher. I rarely get first-years quite so observant. Now, where to place you? Although cunning and clever, I do not think you're a Slytherin. You are loyal and hardworking, which would make Hufflepuff an excellent candidate, but there is something about you that makes me think you would do better somewhere else. Ravenclaw might work. You certainly possess knowledge well beyond your years. I would say that you might even give Rowena herself a run for her money. Then again, perhaps Gryffindor would be more suitable. That is certainly where your brother would be placed._

It was then Ferb thought something that surprised even him. _Then I don't want to be there. I'm not Phineas_.

_Well, then. Better be . . . _

"RAVENCLAW!"

* * *

><p><strong>I would like to than everyone who put up with my long break between updates. I intend to do so sooner this time around.<strong>

**Please review and tell me what you think.**


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